Monthly Archives: March 2017

More Information About Foolproof Tips For Surviving First Dates

Going on first dates can be one of the most nerve-racking experiences ever. You want to make a good impression and be able to appear attractive, intelligent, funny, fun and all at the same time. And with all that pressure sometimes it can just feel overwhelming because you don’t know where to start. It can make the most confident and relaxed person become jittery and uncomfortable.

To help those of you who may not have been so lucky when it comes to first dates, below are 10 vital things you must take on board if you want to not only survive the first dates but also to enjoy them.

1. Have a nice shower beforehand. You want to feel as fresh as possible so make sure you have a shower before your date. The last thing you want is to smell funky in the middle of your date. Smelling off will make you feel awkward and self-conscious so make sure you leave plenty of time to have that nice shower or a hot bath. Doing this will even help to calm your nerves.

2. Wear something you’ll feel comfortable in. Invest in an outfit that looks good but at the same time allows you to be yourself. Don’t end up wearing something you absolutely don’t feel comfortable in for the sake of impressing your date. The most attractive thing about you will be your confidence and if you feel unable to move around right or sit down properly with that super tight dress on – then it might be better to opt for a different outfit.

3. Be on time. You want to be on time not only to make a good impression and to show your date some respect but this will also help to calm your nerves. When you run late to your first date with someone, you are going to arrive flustered and even more self-conscious. Make sure you figure out beforehand how long it will take you to get to the location of the date and give yourself plenty of time to get ready.

4. Order a meal that isn’t too hard to eat. It’s hard enough to appear calm and fun during the conversations with your date but then when you have to bite off that big burrito or burger you can end up with food all over your mouth and looking not so fabulous. Hold off on ordering meals that can be difficult to chew or bite. This way you can eat, enjoy your meal and not have to worry about how you are going to eat. You will have one less thing to worry about.

5. Get to know the person – ask questions. First dates are a chance for you to get to know the person better and for you to figure out if he can be someone you really like or not. Ask questions about what they do for a living, what their hobbies and interests are or what sort of places they like to hang out in. The more you get to know the other person the more you will feel relaxed. Besides, most people love talking about themselves so go on with your questions – the more you listen the better.

6. Don’t mention anything about past relationships. Sometimes it can be tempting to want to tell stories about past boyfriends; how much of a jerk your ex was or how much you have ‘evolved’ since your last relationship. But when it comes to talks of the past – the wisest thing to do is to keep that to yourself until much, much later on. Men in particular tend to not care or want to know much about their partner’s past anyway, so talking about it isn’t going to do anything good for your date.

7. Stay clear-headed. First dates are definitely not the time and place to totally ‘loosen up’. Getting drunk may sound fun in your imagination but when it comes down to it – you will most likely end up with regrets. Sure, having a glass of wine is not going to hurt but anymore than that you might actually want to kick yourself in the head once the date is over. The last thing you want to have is total lack of control over yourself with someone who hardly knows you yet.

8. Bring some mints. Do not underestimate what a bad breath can do to how you appear to the opposite sex. When you are talking with someone and their breath doesn’t smell so fresh – you too would not find it at all attractive. The last thing you want is to look good, have your body smelling good but then to have bad breath the minute you start talking. So, bring with yourself some mints and don’t forget to have some after you finish your meal.

9. Be yourself. You really want to be yourself during your first date and by being yourself it means to still have your personality shine through. Being yourself means to not hide away your morals and values or your interests. Doing this will give your date a chance to know the real you and not some made up version of you. If your date happens to still like you after it – then you will know that he likes you for you.

10. Don’t forget to actually enjoy the date. Remember that first dates are not all about you! So, don’t feel like you have to perform in order to get a ‘good grade’ by your date. First dates are only for the both of you to start getting to know each other – that’s it! It would be a big shame for you to not try to have fun and enjoy it properly. The more you look at it as a casual thing the more you will actually have a great time.

Tips To Heart To Heart Talk

“Dear Bridestory, my boyfriend and I have been getting into arguments lately due to our difference of opinion about white lies. I do not think we should lie at all, and he thinks white lies are okay. We have been together for quite a while now and almost throughout our relationship I have caught him lying about small things. When I confronted him about his lies, he would just say how they are trivial so he doesn’t find it to be a big deal. For instance, telling me he is at work when he was actually out with his friends. I am starting to wonder if he also lies about the bigger things as well. Is it kind of behavior okay or is it breaching problematic?” – IHateLiars

Dear IHateLiars,

First of all, it is never nice to find out your partner is lying whether that lie is a small lie or a big one. Finding out the truth later on can sometimes feel a bit like a dagger in the heart. It sounds like you are also the type of person that takes lying seriously, meaning no matter how ‘trivial’ it may seem, you simply do not do it because you don’t think it’s right. Whereas on the other hand, your partner looks at lying or white lies as something that depends on the context and the intention behind it. If to him, the context isn’t that big of a deal (like where he was) then it shouldn’t matter as much. The problem with white lies or lying in general is that it can be such a subjective topic. Everyone has different preferences as well as definitions when it comes to white lies and it can be very hard when you disagree on these two things with your partner.

Before you can assume or conclude that because your partner lies about small things therefore he might lie about bigger things – it is important to take into account other aspects. For example, his intention in lying – was it to protect your feelings? Was it to avoid confrontation? Was it to keep things short because otherwise you would get into an argument? It is important to speak to him about the reasons behind his white lies. Take into consideration also what the white lie is about – is it truly something that does not cause any harm or is it actually a trigger for something more sensitive for you. For example, is hanging out with his friends something you do not like? Or is it actually not a big deal for you either? Also consider the kind of person your partner is. Is he generally a man of his words? Can you generally trust him? If you have doubts in this area then there might be bigger problems here than just white lies.

You need to have this conversation with him otherwise assuming the worst will not help you or the relationship. If after talking to him you feel that he is simply a compulsive or chronic liar and cannot see your point of view in the matter then this is something for you to think about. However, if his lying tendencies occur because he is afraid you cannot handle the truth (for whatever reason) then trust is something you both need to work on together. There needs to be a compromise between the two of you – if you really cannot handle him lying no matter how tiny it is, then he must adjust to that. If he needs you to be able to be strong enough to handle the truth, then you need to work on that. Either way, both parties must feel comfortable with the next step – otherwise, this will only get worse as he continues to white lie and you continue to feel disappointed.

Should You Know, What Is Love?

That timeless question “what is love?” has resurfaced over and over again for centuries. We sing about it, we write about it, we cry and laugh about it. So what is it? Is love that that tingly excited feeling you get when you start a new relationship? Is it the feeling you get on your way to the alter? Is it looking at your partner at 90 years old and realizing there’s no one you would have rather spent your life with? All of the above? All of these things are a part of love but there’s one aspect of this powerful emotion that we forget about.

Losing the magic

We’re all familiar with the stages of a relationship. In that first, magical stage, our partner can do no wrong. You could even say they walk on water, and you probably seem the same way to them. As you become closer and become a unit, you may start to notice that their actions and emotions have a profound effect on you. You’re sad when they are sad, and happy when they laugh. The third stage is one that many relationships don’t make it past. In this stage, the mystery and excitement has evaporated to such a degree that the behavior you once found cute may just annoy you. And, they probably feel the same! If you two can make it past this stage, it will only get better!

Why You Drive Each Other Crazy

You get on each other’s nerves. He doesn’t put away the dishes right, and she steals the blankets at night. You’re both learning that the other is human! Do you like everything about yourself? Probably not. So, if you and your partner are truly to become one unit, then you’re going to find things about them that you don’t like.

How to Know if the Relationship is Still Worth the Effort

Many couples fall out when one or both of the participants wonder if they’re right for one another. This is a critical juncture in a relationship because this is where the soul searching begins. It doesn’t need to be that hard. Think about what your partner does that annoys you, and think about the things you might do that are irritating or upsetting. Then think about the things you’d miss if they were to disappear tomorrow. You’ll probably start remembering all of the things that made you fall in love in the first place.

How to Make it Better

Now it’s time for some effort on both sides. There are many ways to rekindle your fading interests and make your relationship better than it was, even when you first met.

  1. Talk to your partner. Communication is KEY. If you and your partner can’t communicate about things that bother you then you won’t last long. Let them know when they do something that bothers you but don’t limit communication to criticism. Tell them every day that you love them, and tell them why you’re grateful to have them around. Confide in them as you would your best friend. Don’t shut them out.
  2. Use humor. Romantic comedies are funny for a reason. Try looking at your relationship like it’s a comedy sometimes. The things you do and say to one another, and the things that drive you nuts may just take on a different light. Laugh with your partner about the dumb stuff you both do and say. Laughter will enrich your relationship more than anything else.
  3. Take a step back when you’re upset. Most arguments are based on a misunderstanding and can be easily remedied if both parties take a breather before talking about it. Apologies and understanding both come easier if you allow one another this important space.

So what is love? Love is when you and your partner drive one another up the wall, but you can still laugh about it. It’s when the mystery is gone, but you can still appreciate all of the wonderful things about them that make smile. Love is when you look into their eyes, and you realize they’re the one you want by your side in eighty years laughing with you, bugging you, and sitting quietly with you. No one else will do.

Should You Know What Science Says It’s Good For Your Relationship

Relationships aren’t always easy. Arguments and disagreements are expected when two people with different life experiences, views and perspectives come together. But how often are we told that arguing with our partner means the relationship is doomed? That disagreeing often is a sign that you just aren’t compatible? Well, if you find you bicker a lot with your loved one there may be a saving grace – science says it is, in fact, a great indicator for your relationship and here’s how.

Love Isn’t An Easy Street

As much as love is portrayed as romantic and against-all-odds fantastic, the reality is that relationships and marriage takes work to cultivate and bloom. There’s so much psychological research based on why marriages fail but not nearly as much asking what actually makes marriages succeed.

It’s this perspective that has led us to believe that arguing is a negative sign of failure and incompatibility with someone we love. While extreme hurtful arguing is detrimental to each other, research suggests that a healthy relationship is one that includes disagreements on a regular basis.

How Arguing Helps Your Relationship To Last

We all know communication is the key to any successful relationship.[1]

While most of us think of this as calmly sitting on the sofa and bringing up worries or concerns to our partner, in real life this is rarely the case.

After all, we’re all human and we all have our bad days, our bad reactions to words and situations and so arguments are bound to happen. In essence, couples who argue are communicating and this is the lynchpin to any successful relationship. Granted it may not seem like the most ideal way to communicate, but actually getting our opinions and viewpoints out is much better than keeping them to ourselves and letting them stew.

Jonah Lehrer, author of A Book About Love, looked closely into how fighting in a relationship is actually a good thing rather than a negative.

“According to the scientists, spouses who complain to each other the most, and complain about the least important things, end up having more lasting relationships. In contrast, couples with high negativity thresholds—they only complain about serious problems—are much more likely to get divorced.”

So arguing about the little things keeps your relationship ticking over much better than saving it for what would be deemed the serious and more important stuff.

How Not Fighting Indicates An Unhealthy Relationship

Okay, arguing from day one may be an unhealthy sign but once we settle into a relationship it’s at this time when the real dynamics start to show.

Lehrer delves deeper into research done by John Gottman, who set up the Gottman Institute dedicating reseach-based methods to strengthen relationships. Gottman’s studies have revealed that, at a certain stage of a relationship where you’re revealing your true-selves to each other, if you’re not arguing then it could be a sign that you’ve lost emotional investment in the other person.

“Gottman’s research shows that 3 years into the relationship, if you’re not fighting, that’s the indicator of an unhealthy relationship. At that point, you’re not holding in your farts anymore. You’re fully intimate. You’ve seen where they’ve got hair, you’ve smelled their morning breath. You’re not holding anything back. So if you’re not fighting, it’s often a sign of withdrawal. In a sense, you can look at complaining and fighting in an intimate relationship as just ways of showing you care.”[2]

Of course, no one should be unhappy in a relationship but emotionally intelligent arguing or even general bickering is a sign that you’re invested and willing to communicate, therefore keeping your relationship ticking over.

So, for those of you that believe arguing is a sign of impending doom for your relationship then think again. In fact, it’s a sign that you’re not only passionate about the other person and the relationship, but most importantly communication is abundant showing you a positive sign that your partnership is probably much stronger than you think.